ATH conversation with Peg K’s Lily

[Moderator]

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Lily

Moderator Barb

[Terrianne McGrath]

I spoke with Lilly today. At first Lilly was semi-hiding. She was present enough to see me and I could see her but she was shy. I introduced myself and asked her if she would practice communicating with me. She agreed to speak with me.

I told her it was ok to come out from behind the chair if she would like to. I promised her that I would not touch her with my hands. [I see her sheepishly crawling towards me and then springing back]. I again assured her that I wouldn’t touch her. I told her she could even lay in my lap if she wanted and I still wouldn’t touch her if she didn’t want me too. I got the feeling she did want to curl up in my lap. [We shared a picture of her laying curled up in my lap and as promised I was not touching her with my hands]. (Then we had a conversation about so many people who are asked and agree not to touch a dog right away when first meeting them and they say “Oh yes, I know not to touch them. They need to get a sense of me first”. What do they always do? Go in for the petting right away! 🤦🏼‍♀️).

(L) I like it when my Mom touches me! I like to snuggle with my Mom all the time. I’m not shy then! I am so happy to see her, I do a happy dance whenever she comes home. I like my family and friends too. It’s just strangers that it takes me a little bit to warm up to and get a sense of who they are first.

(L) I’m not like a scaredy-cat where I run under the bed and never come out. Once I do make friends with someone, I warm up to them super fast as soon as I smell them.

(L) I love my home and my family. Sometimes I get scared from loud noises and I jump but then I’m fine. Most times the house is pretty quiet.

(T) I see your house as pretty quiet. Not a lot of parties are thrown there. Maybe in the summer, there will be some fun BBQ’s”.

(L) If I don’t feel like being around a bunch of people, I can always lay on my Mom’s bed. She has steps for me to get up and down. (?)

(T). What else do you like to do? Do you like to go on car rides?
(L) Yes I like to go on car rides

(L) [Shows me a picture of her at the Groomers]. She doesn’t like going to the groomers but her Mom always makes such a big fuss over her when she gets picked up, so that makes it worth it.
(T) Do you like the Groomer?
(L) Yes She is a nice lady. I like to have the same lady every time so I know what to expect.
(T) Can you expect her to be gentle?
(L) Yes, for the most part she is gentle with me. Sometimes she has a bad day because of something to do with her personal life and she is frustrated when Grooming me. She is still gentle but she seems to rush a little more on those days. We do enjoy each other’s company. I can’t have a conversation like we are having but we both send love back and forth to each other and it’s nice. We share respect and admiration for one another.

(T) Back to car rides… Do you enjoy being in the car?
(L) [Shows me a picture of a window seat in the back passenger window. It goes up and down from being set up, so I don’t know if she has a window seat already or if she would like to get a window seat for the car.]

(L) [I also saw a picture of Lilly at an outdoor cafe while you were having lunch with her Mom and a friend]. She likes doing that very much.

(T) Is there anything else you would like me to tell your Mom?
(L) Yes, I would like to have my nails painted Hot Pink!
(T) Do you usually get your nails painted?
(L) No but I think I would like that.
(L) My inner wildness is ready to break through!
(T) Ha Ha, I love that! I will for sure tell your Mom.

Well if there is not anything else, I will type this up and get it to your Mom so she will know what we talked about. I very much liked talking to you. Please have your Mom send me a photo if you ever get your nails painted Hot Pink! 🤣

[Terrianne McGrath]

Hi Peg,
I saw that you had replied to my post but I couldn’t find it. Would you mind posting once more? Thank You! Terrianne McGrah

[Margaret "Peg" Kroeger]

Hi Terrianne,
I don’t know why you didn’t get my post. I do not know how to do all of this very well. I hope I do it right this time. Lily is afraid of lots of things, especially people she does not know. She wants to see everyone but then she backs up. She even backs up from me and won’t let me pick her up. Can you ask her why she does that.
I am the groomer. I can not imagine what she was talking about unless it is the Vet tech. We have made lots of visits to the vet. She does not like me to touch her feet. I am not sure how we could paint her nails. Her feet bother her and she is always licking her feet.
We have not been to an outdoor cafe. She might mean sitting outdoors on the patio at my house.
Thanks for talking to her. I wish I could do it.
Peg

[Terrianne McGrath]

Hi,
The act of coming close and then backing away is exactly what she did with me. She didn’t seem to want my hands to touch her (I am a stranger). I asked her why she backed away from you sometimes and she said she doesn’t like being picked up. When her feet are off the ground, she has no control over her body and that is scary to her. If you want to cuddle, on the couch or even in your lap is good.

I asked her about the “Groomer”. I said remember when we talked about the Groomer….. Your Groomer is your Mom. Her eyes went so wide then she had a look of confusion. I said, your Mom thought maybe you were thinking of the Vet Tech. Yes! Yes…that is who she was talking about.

I asked her about not allowing you to touch her feet. She said a long time ago, someone cut her nail and it hurt so bad! It hurt for days. She doesn’t ever want that to happen again. I asked her if you could start to lightly hold a paw for 3 seconds and receive a treat. Keep increasing time/treats if she is allowing you to hold her paw. She was on the fence when we spoke. I told her that having her nails trimmed is part of life and it needs to be done unfortunately whether you’re a fan or not. It can affect your health. If she has a plan, I am all ears. Everyone involved wants nail clipping to be a non stressful event.

[Margaret "Peg" Kroeger]

Terrianne,
Thank you for making things clear to me. Does she know that I am very sad when she does not want me to pick her up and hold her. Tell her it hurts my feelings and I feel like she does not like me.
Does she know that I communicate with her by pictures? Does she get my messages even though I do not know how to get her messages?
I have a nail clipper and also the grinder type where you can file them instead of cutting. She does not seem to like either one. Val told me that her dew claws, which are gone, hurt her. Could that be what she is talking about?
Thanks,
Peg

[Terrianne McGrath]

Hi Peg,
Lily is so sorry that you feel sad that she doesn’t want you to pick her up. It has nothing to do with you. She has a fear of losing control of her body. When she is lifted in the air, she can’t control where she goes or what happens to her when she doesn’t have her feet on the ground.
For her nails… any approach; nail clippers or dremel are very scary. It’s not so much you that she doesn’t trust. It is all about avoiding that severe pain that she experienced in the past.
As far as communicating with you… on a personal level, I have 3 dogs and 2 cats and I struggle terribly to communicate with them. I tell them all the time “I’m communicating with other people’s Animals all the time and I don’t get a word from any of you!”. So know that it’s not you. Im told it is harder to communicate with your own pets because of the history and expectation of an outcome already in our minds. So just as I was told, practice on other people’s pets first. Your pets will be there waiting when it’s time for you to communicate with them.
Lastly, Lily stressed to me that she wanted to make it clear that she loves you so much! You are so loving and kind. She couldn’t ask for a better Mom. “Always know that I love you even when you think my behavior says differently”. I’m afraid of things which makes me behave a certain way, (like not wanting to be picked up). I still love you, it’s just me not being comfortable in that moment.
Wow! That was awesome! Hope it helps!

[Margaret "Peg" Kroeger]

Terrianne,
Is there something I can do to help her get over her fear so she will eventually not be scared of me picking her up? I never had a dog before, ( have had many dogs) that wouldn’t come to me to pick up. It is a new experience and one that I do not like. I hope she will get over it. Did she have a bad experience in her past life that is causing this. I wonder if she was one of my past dogs?
Does she know that I try to send her messages by pictures?
Thanks, I am so glad that she will talk to you. It has helped me alot.

[Terrianne McGrath]

I sat on the floor with Lily standing next to me. I asked her if she was up to answering a few questions from her Mom. If she doesn’t want to answer a particular question, she can just say “Pass” and we will move on to something else. Lily agreed to talk with me.

(T&L) It really bothers your Mom that you don’t like her to pick you up. I already told you why. Yes, but I think she is wondering why you won’t want HER to pick you up? (T) Did you have a bad experience?
(L) Lily shares a bad experience… I was standing on a glass table, and I was close to the edge which made the table tip over and crash on the ground. It was a very scary experience that she doesn’t want to have again.
(T) Thank you for clearing that up for us.

(T) Is there anything your Mom can do to make the experience of getting your nails done in a more confident way?
(L) No

(T) I asked Lily if she knows when you are communicating with her when she sends you pictures.
(L) Yes, I know when my Mom is trying to talk to me. She sends me pictures and then talks about the pictures as well.

(T) Are you one of Peg’s past dogs?
I see a large brown, short haired dog and I also see a small brown dog with short hair. I do not know who or when they were here in this lifetime or past lifetimes. 🤷‍♀️

[Margaret "Peg" Kroeger]

Good Morning Terrianne,
I think I know what happened with the glass table. It was when she was a baby and she wrapped her leash around a standing candle holder which was glass with a candle on the inside and it fell over and broke. She was not standing on it. I hope she can get over these things which make her scared. Can you ask her to try to get over it so we can have more moments that we can be together for loves and cuddles.
I have not had any large dogs, only small. Does she say I was her Mom with those dogs?
I wonder if you can ask her about her mouth? We are going to the Vet tomorrow for a shot she needs. She told Val her head hurts, her teeth hurt, maybe TMJ? I want the vet to take an Xray and find out what the problem is. Maybe a tooth that did not come in. Can she be more specific about the pain. She does not like to chew bones that a year ago she did chew. You could tell her we are going to see the doctor so he can fix it but he needs to have more information like —When did it start, how long has it been going on, where is the pain, is it a tooth, jaw bone, does it hurt all the time or only when she eats?

[Terrianne McGrath]

Hi Peg,
While I love to help, we are charting territory that I am not equipped to handle. I am a student too, with a lot of growth ahead of me. I don’t want to discuss medical issues. I did tell her that she has a Vet appt tomorrow to look in her mouth to see if there is anything wrong visually or with a physical exam.
Strike two…Lily is pretty set in her ways about being picked up. She hopes that you understand it’s not personal towards you. She hopes that you can just accept that about her. She loves you very much but that is something that doesn’t feel good to her.

Do you have any words of wisdom for Me, with regard to my connections? Do you have any further things to say to your Mom? Or do you have a lesson for People in general?

Lily said all humans need to learn 2 lessons:

#1 Take things as they are, without wanting to change them somehow.
#2 “It is, what it is”

Thank you Lily! I know personally how your advise reflects in my own life. I appreciate that.

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